the break in

As I sit here writing, I'm listening to Matt & our super have a deep conversation while they install our new microwave...at least it sounds deep. They're speaking Spanish. I can't understand Spanish...well I understand enough to get by (ok...that may be an overstatement), but it is safe to say I have no idea what they are talking about right now...but it sounds beautiful.

How I feel about Spanish is how I'm feeling about life right now.

I can't understand it all...but I know there is beauty.
...in the hard times...in my doubts...& in the mess.

On Saturday I got a call from Matt, "Sabrina...come home right now. We've been robbed."

My husband is always full of jokes, but I could tell by his voice that he was serious.

Matt left to walk Gins at 1pm and came back 45 minutes later. When he walked into our home he saw things missing and called the cops.

Because it had been such a short amount of time we didn't know if the burglar was still in there, so the cops had their guns ready and searched our whole apartment.

The safety I had once felt in our small apartment seemed like a distant memory as I watched this happen.

Our laptops, Matt's Xbox, a Play Station3 that was given to us as a gift this year, two of my necklaces, Matt's iPod, & a large kitchen knife were all taken.

violated. numb. angry. fearful.

The police asked a lot of questions & wrote down a lot of information. They seemed to really care which felt comforting, but that comforting feeling left when they did.

after 3 hours, 6 police officers, & 1 locksmith we were left alone in our home. It just felt weird.

The right thing to say here is, "Our hope is in the Lord, not our things."

Absolutely true. & we believe that whole heartedly...but we were shaken.
Someone was in our home. in our bedroom...where we sleep at night.

our stuff is just stuff, yes. but is it okay to be frustrated about it being taken? I hope so.

The day after it happened Matt & I did a prayer-walk through our home in each room. We are refusing to let this event take-over our home. We know God is bigger.

We are choosing trust instead fear.
Lamenting instead of complaining.
Gratefulness instead of discontentment.
Talking instead of being numb.
Joy instead of sorrow.

We're asking God for His comfort & His peace.

I really want to tie this up with a pretty bow, but we're still in process & we're okay with that.

I'll keep ya updated. We'd love your prayers.

how are you doing?

I stopped & stared. It was probably rude and slightly awkward, but I couldn't help it. I just stood there.

It had been an early morning. I woke up with a 'to-do' list writing itself in my head and already felt overwhelmed before the sun was even up.

I took the dog for a long walk and then let him run around in the dog park. I usually love to watch him play with the other pups...but today I felt rushed. I wanted to get to the farmers market, I still had to take a shower, the list could go on...oh & that meeting starts in 2 hours. 

Normally when I shake Ginberg's leash he knows it's time to go and he's usually so tired by then that he's ready; but today he wasn't ready to go. He wanted to run & play some more. Ugh.

After finally getting him out of there I was on a mission: farmers market, home, work. go.go.go.

I got to the farmers market and couldn't remember what I wanted to get.

I held Gins and walked around looking at all the vendors. Everything looked so good, so fresh! I still couldn't remember what we needed though.

As I walked past the last vendor I stopped & stared as two little, old ladies with bright, white hair teared up and held each others hands over a table full of fresh vegetables. 

One lady a vendor & the other a customer. 

It was a beautifully sad moment. The customer talked about something with a big smile as tears rolled down her cheeks. The vendor listened intently and nodded often. 

After standing & watching for an awkward-amount of time I turned and headed back home empty-handed. 

I started to wonder how that conversation started.

Do they know each other well?

Is she a regular customer?

Long time friends?

Then I had a thought...what if the vendor simply asked, "How are you?" & the customer actually told the vendor how she was doing & her answer wasn't pretty...it was messy & hard & it took longer than the 10 seconds answer, "good--how are you?"

Over the past few years the Lord has been teaching me to find beauty&joy in the mess. 

I thought about the customer's smile as tears flooded her face. 

What a picture of joy in the midst of heaviness. 

I walked in the door to our small apartment that looks very-lived in at the moment & decided to take a deep breath, hold the warm cup of coffee in my hands for a bit longer, and soak in the silence of the early morning instead of rushing to get the next thing done. 

In the midst of my rushing I can tend to lose myself & also lose perspective of life in general.

Later a friend asked, "How are you?" & answered truthfully.

& it was a bit messy and she listened, cared, and loved me. what a sweet gift.

I still can't remember why I wanted to go to the farmers market this morning...but I'm thankful I did.

How are you doing?

I'd really love to know.

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I'm hoping you run into some beautiful moments today.