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Sunday, March 8, 2015

the beautiful mess of transition

oh transition.

when you look up the definition of 'transition' you'll find something like this :: the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.

I think words like, "hard, messy, uncomfortable, beautiful, & challenging" should also be added to the definition...but that's just my two cents.

Right now I'm 7 1/2 months pregnant and feeling SO many aspects of transition. Every day for the past 7 months has been a transition for my body, my emotions have been in transition, my relationship to the world around me has been in transition, & currently my home is in a transition. Somewhat because of our baby girl's room, but mostly because we're still figuring out how to make our home work for us.

One of my favorite things is creating a cozy space for us to live in. I would attribute much of this to my mom letting me be so creative and free with my room growing up. She always ran with my crazy time I had a leopard print & denim room. Yes...denim curtains hung from my windows. Thanks Mom :)

Right now though...most of my home looks like this:

I've gone through a lot of emotions throughout this process.

The largest emotion I've felt has probably been frustrated. Some furniture that we brought from North Carolina just doesn't work in our small, NYC apartment. Over the past year and a half I've realized things about our home that I really like & really don't like and feel frustrated that I didn't know that a year and a half ago, "Why did I get this?! What was I thinking?!"

This morning as I stared at the ceiling in bed, filtering through my racing thoughts I felt a tug at my heart strings...realizing this frustration I feel is not only towards the messiness of a home transition, but also towards transitions in my when the Lord shows me something ugly: my sin, my attitude, how I'm not trusting Him... my response is not naturally a heart of repentance, but one of, "You should have known better, Sabrina...get it together."

So this morning when I heard, "Transitions may be hard and messy...but you're on your way to something better...don't let the messiness and frustrations stop you," I decided to start viewing my situation a little differently.

Those boxes will not be in the hallway soon as we get rid of the old furniture (hopefully today!) then the new furniture can be set up.

& as soon as I run to the Lord with all my stuff...the stuff that I thought would work for me, but just isn't...the stuff that I'm trying so hard to "get it together"...that's when He can get to work and get rid of the old stuff within me that I was trying to fill my life with & fill my heart with Him alone...

Just like my home will constantly be in transition (I know once our little one arrives stages will come and go, she'll grow out of the new born stage faster than I'll want, and our home will be in a new stage of life) I know my heart is in a constant transition...and although it's messy, beautiful, & challenging it's making me more like Jesus...all the while longing for that day when I'll see Jesus face-to-face and every stage of life and messy transition will be worth it.

So for now...I leave you with pictures of the mess and I'm hopeful that sometime soon (preferably before the little babe arrives) I'll have pictures of an updated, imperfect, not-in-boxes home.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it." -1 Thessalonians 5:23-24