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Friday, July 21, 2017

tea with bea

A blog post I had written over three years ago popped up on my Facebook last week. I clicked on it and was taken back in time to my small kitchen in our first NYC apartment.

Since reading that post I've been thinking about the past few years and all the changes that have happened in my life. So many changes. Our family has grown by two kiddos, we've moved four times in five years, and I still have yet to find a great can opener (seriously you have a can opener you recommend?! I've done a ton of research and still can't find one I love!).

I have a 92 year-old friend and I love hearing stories about his life. There's something about looking back. Reflecting and remembering.

To be honest though I thought I'd have more figured out by now. It's not that I think I'm old. I don't. I actually think I'm still pretty young. I guess I just thought I'd understand myself more.

I feel like I'm still getting to know myself, what I like, and how I operate. Big things like who I am as a parent and what my job and career look like. But also small things like my writing style. For example, sometimes I really like to write in all lower-case letters. I know and understand this is not correct, but I like to do it. Other times, like right now I feel like doing it correctly. Periods, commas, and upper-case letters. I feel like I should just pick one and stick with it and be consistent...but I'm still figuring it (me) out. Sometimes when I'm writing I feel more serious, sometimes more silly and I pick one and stick with it? Or is it okay that I'm kind of all over the place? I feel like some would say pick one and stick with it...but what if I'm both?

The more I look back the more I realize how much I don't have figured out, but I'm way more okay with that now than I would've been three years ago (or even three months ago). I'm learning to live day by day and to give myself lots of grace; to not sweat the small stuff and to be thankful.

As I learn to not sweat the small stuff, I'm learning to prioritize the big stuff as well. It honestly feels like a shifting is happening in my heart.

In just over a week we'll head back home to NYC (I CANNOT wait!). We'll go back to our apartment in Harlem. Technically we've lived there for three months, but in reality we've only spent two weeks living there (because of all our summer travel). My heart kind of feels like that right now. Technically I've known myself for forever (well as long as I've been alive), but in reality I feel like I'm just now getting to know myself. It's weird. Just like going home is going to be a little weird for us. We're excited and love our new place, but it'll take some getting used to. It doesn't quite feel like home just yet, but I know it will.

Lord-willing I'll be like my 92 year-old friend one day. Looking back on my life and all the many ways God's hand was over it and in it making me the woman I am and will be one day.

Happy Friday, friends! I hope you have some time to look back and reflect this weekend!

(p.s. the picture above is our new street!)

(p.p.s. if you're wondering what Tea with Bea is click here and wonder no more)

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