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Friday, August 4, 2017

tea with bea

hey friends,

I was MIA last week because...well, because last week kicked my butt. It was our last bit of travel for the summer and if I'm honest I was definitely counting down the days until we were home. I think my whole family was. We'd been traveling since the middle of May--two and a half months. With five days left before we were supposed to head home Matt and I decided to change our flights and come home early. During our whole day of traveling back to the city we kept saying over and over, "This was the best decision. BEST decision!"

If you saw my Instagram story you know our oldest daughter, Hazel, was really, really sick the night before we flew out. Hazel and I got about two hours of sleep before we all headed to the airport at 5am.

I thought she was feeling better, but right as we got to security she threw up all over the floor. It was so sad. So pitiful. Of course I had no idea where the extra clothes I had packed were--in one of the six bags we had with us (somehow we came home with way more stuff than we left with...I'm mostly blaming the grandparents here). I gave Hazel my sweatshirt to wear and we went through security.

It was a long day of travel from Denver, CO, back home to NYC. It was a hilarious and sad sight to see our family at baggage claim. I think we would look a little less ridiculous if we didn't travel with two car seats and two portable cribs...but we do. Plus 2.5 suitcases, a stroller, 3 carry on bags, 3 personal items, plus my pump. It's ridiculous. I told Matt the next time we go somewhere I'm fitting all our stuff into a carry-on suitcase. I'm sure some families do it. We're going to be one of them!

I'm not sure who was the most excited to be home. Hazel and Nor were the calmest they had been all summer long. I couldn't believe it. They just played on the living room floor...quietly. Quietly!

I love creating a home that is cozy and inviting, and even with the chaos of still unpacking and settling into our new home (we moved in and then two weeks later left for the summer) I think our girls felt at home for the first time in a long while. Matt and I did too.

We all slept wonderfully that first night and the girls are napping better than they have in months. It's amazing!

This summer has truly been a gift. It has also been a lot of other things, but it has definitely been a gift too. We mostly traveled for work, but we were also able to see a lot of family and friends who live far from us and we had such a sweet time with them.

Even more than that was how God met me this summer.

I longed for home a lot.

When we first moved to NYC I was overwhelmed with everything the city offered and it was hard for me to settle down + relax when I would get home. After a few months of living in the city I made it my goal to make our home feel inviting, a place where we could process what we were learning, to be a place of rest, a place to be inspired, and a place for my small family (just me and Matt at the time) to take a deep breath and just be. Over the years NYC is still overwhelming in many ways, but it feels like home.

When people come into our home I want them to feel welcomed, loved, and cared for. I feel really strongly about this and I'm grateful Matt lets me have free-reign of the design (even when he thinks what I'm doing is a little crazy!).

Let me be clear though--my home is not a perfect home. I have two little kiddos so there are always toys laying around somewhere and it looks very lived-in! Perfection is actually the last thing I'm going for. I want my family and any person that steps foot into our home to feel like they are able to be fully themselves...and being who we fully are means not perfect. (Thank goodness!)

All that to say I love home. A lot, a lot. But I realized this summer that my longing for home was deeper than my restful space back in NYC.

Being out of my every day rhythms this summer allowed me to look back, to reflect, and to dream. I'm a deep feeler. I have incredible empathy for people and I know this is a gift from the Lord. With this though I feel many, many things all the time. I often feel overwhelmed with the brokenness of the world and I long for God to make all things right.

So as I type this in my still-not-settled-in-home I realize even when we feel "settled in" it will never feel exactly right because ultimately this is not my true home. I'm thankful for our summer away and the experience of missing home, because since being home the longing I've felt all summer is still lingering.

I'm longing for the broken things in this world to be made whole. I'm longing for people to experience healing, for people's eyes to be open, for hearts to be softened, for relationships to be mended, for unity, for understanding, for patience, for so much grace.

True rest is found in Jesus. As comfy as my bed is it cannot offer me what Jesus can. I'm so glad to be home, but I know this deep longing will be in my heart until all things are made right.


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